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Having Second Thoughts

Dear Good Somm Bad Somm, 

My fiancé is obsessed with studying for the Court of Master Sommelier Exam.  I have been a faithful and supportive companion to him all along, but now I feel neglected.  He's already re-set twice and I think he will never pass!  What should I do?

Sincerely,
Having Second Thoughts

Good Somm

Dear Having Second Thoughts,

This is the most exciting time of your fiancé's rise to the top of the wine world!  The risks and rigors of preparing for the Master Sommelier exam can be comparable to the disciplines exercised by an athlete training for the Olympics!  

Often, when faced with insurmountable challenges, one's true character is revealed.  Reveal yours!  Show your partner that you are his champion, his pal and his most trusted amigo in this crazy game of vino! 

Be your best and bring out the best in him.  Be his study buddy.  Bring lunch.  Make dinner.  Pour coffee.  And massage those tired, flash-card-flipping little fingers!

This is a small hurdle to jump for a lifetime of happiness with a Master Sommelier.

Sincerely,
Good Somm

BAD SOMM

Dear Having Second Thoughts,

While your fiancé is out "studying" and "tasting" (which is really just "drinking"), you are having all of your emotional and physical needs neglected.  And if he has already re-set twice, there's a strong possibility he may NEVER pass!  The odds are less than 5%.  The test is way more difficult than even the Bar Exam and it tends to favor idiot savants and candidates already sleeping with a Master Sommelier. 

And speaking of the Bar Exam, you may want to go find yourself a sexy, rich lawyer on Tinder or Match.com.  Lawyers have a hell of a lot more earning potential than a Sommelier anyway and certainly have much whiter teeth.

Best case scenario:  Your partner passes the exam, becomes a Master Sommelier, turns into a self-deifying, pompous, asshole and then LEAVES YOU for some eager-beaver waitress looking to sleep with a geek or some over zealous Wine Rep who will do ANYTHING to make a sale!

OR worse yet, he STAYS with you, takes an even more high pressure position making low 6-figures and is buried in even MORE work, traveling on MORE "wine trips" ("drinking") and leaving you home alone to play-with-yourself on the couch! 

So, it probably won't be long before you're all pissed-off and bitter again anyhow.

I suggest you ditch the booze-hound while:
a.) You still have your looks and
b.) You can still perform sexually.

Take it from me:  Your relationship is like a wine that has sat open too long:  dead in the bottle.  Time to get your ass to the liquor store and buy another. 

Yours,
Bad Somm

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