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Instagram or Insta-Scam?

Dear Good Somm Bad Somm,

What's up with all you sommeliers bragging on Instagram about how glamorous your lives are? It's like you want everyone to think you live like Millionaires.  Aren't you just waiters in suits?  And how are you drinking all these expensive wines?  Do all Sommeliers really party like Rock Stars?

Sincerely,
Instagram or Insta-Scam? 

Good Somm

Dear Instagram or Insta-Scam,

It's clear by your tone that you're irritated by what you view as pretentious or ostentatious Sommeliers. 

Granted, there are a few "Rock Star" Somms out there, Rajat Parr for example, who lead very charmed lives and fill their Instagram feed with impressive wines and beautiful vistas, but your average Sommelier (myself included) is a working professional.   As somms, we're excited and passionate about the wines we post, but oftentimes we’re just selling!  We are working!  These photographs of expensive & rare bottles represent that sale.  While we may have only had a taste or sometimes a glass (if our guest is generous), it’s those perks that make our jobs rewarding.  As are these photos of wine dinners and an occasional wine trip if we're lucky.

From the outside looking in, the life of a sommelier may seem quite glamorous, but in reality we are simply "predators" of the best wines of the world, our "prey", and these Instagram Moments are evidence of our trophy.  

Sincerely,
Good Somm

BAD SOMM

Dear Instagram or Insta-Scam,

Of course Somms totally brag on Instagram!  That's the whole point of social media, isn't it?  It exists for people who have "more" to make people who have "less" feel badly for being boring and broke. 

Me, I drink sick, rare, bomb-ass wine on the daily (as is evident by my Instagram), but the most decadent, wild, parts of my every day life I can't even put on Instagram because it's like something out of a rap video orgy. 

For instance:  Routinely, some Somm Friends and I, go out on a Yacht with a case of Cristal Champagne, Raveneau Chablis and some sexy-vintage, first growth Bordeaux.  We always start with the Champagne, but we don't drink it.  The Champagne is for the Hos and the first couple of bottles we pop are strictly just to pour on their titties. 

We get up to five titties per bottle, so depending on how many girls, one to three bottles will usually cover all the breasts on board.

As for the rest of the Champagne bottles, we discharge the corks into the air at hovering seagulls and shoot the rest of the bubbles at dolphins with our Champagne Gun.   We usually drink the Raveneau during this decadent ritual, which is generally followed by a tangled and sticky sex-party.   

Later we relax and drink the Bordeaux we had decanting and smoke cigars. 

Then we cruise back to shore and have dinner at some 3-Star Michelin joint where we're treated like VIPs.  The dinner will usually be fully comped if we agree to photograph our meal and post it to Instagram.   

Yours Truly,
Bad Somm

Thanks again for the question!

Please send more queries and concerns to somms@goodsommbadsomm.com so we have more stuff to write about. 

(If you've read this far it may already be too late)

Until Next time: 

Be Good! 

I Slept with My Wine Rep

I Slept with My Wine Rep

THE WAITER HATER

THE WAITER HATER